


Oh, the Scars I've Left

by ificouldwrite



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Guilt, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ificouldwrite/pseuds/ificouldwrite
Summary: Arthur learns the hard way that he needs to treat the people who are closest to him needed to be treated better.Or:Merlin gets punished for standing up to the neighbouring knights for treating servants badly, and promptly gets punished for it. Arthur feels the regret of it after realizing.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 245





	Oh, the Scars I've Left

**Author's Note:**

> i was ~a bit~ upset about the way Merlin was treated for a majority of the show by Arthur, but there are a couple of episodes that particularly make me sad. *cough* the entirety of Cornelius Sigan *cough* that one where he keeps getting thrown in the stocks *cough* when he gets left behind over and over again. *cough*
> 
> but I digress. 
> 
> i will be writing a few more on Arthur learning lessons, maybe episode based? i still want to do one about the Curse of Cornelius Sigan episode, and maybe one about the Lamia? we'll see. until then, here is one about Arthur learning about the importance of treating a servant well, like a decent human being should! 
> 
> all mistakes are entirely mine, i did not proofread this at all and i apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. 
> 
> thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoy! :D

The summer solstice celebrations lasted for three days, and they were celebrations that settled about the courtyard with ribbons and flags. Neighbouring kingdoms were sending knights and diplomats their way to take part in the feasts and the games. This meant excessive sparring with all the knights, and an unfortunate target. "You'll be glad to train with them, right, Merlin?" Arthur said, giving him a hearty slap on the back. Merlin glared at him, looking dubiously at the knights from the foreign kingdoms.

"Of course," Merlin said through gritted teeth, clearly nonplussed but unable to say anything as they were in the company of other nobles. Arthur smiled sunnily at him as he went to prepare for the feast, finally able to escape from entertaining father's guests.

\- - - - 

For those three days, Arthur had rarely seen Merlin as all the festivities were carried out. He saw Merlin on the fields when he trained, and when he smiled at him Merlin didn't reciprocate, only the hard set of his jaw was returned. Arthur found this odd, but couldn't find the time to ask his manservant about it. On the final day, after the feast from the previous day had gone amicably with the strange smugness of the knights from the other kingdoms, Arthur didn't see Merlin at all as the foreign nobility parted and made way to their own kingdoms. Arthur saw the bloodied knuckles of a few of them, cocking his head curiously. What could they have punched?

\- - - - 

The next morning, Arthur woke to a different servant standing at the foot of his bed. Arthur narrowed his eyes, looking at him skeptically. "Good morning, my lord." 

"Good morning. Who are you?" he asked immediately. 

"George, sire. I'm your temporary manservant while Merlin is indisposed."

"Indisposed?" Arthur repeated, bewildered. "What do you mean, indisposed?"

"I am unaware, sire. I was simply sent here in his place."

"He's in the tavern, isn't he," Arthur said flatly, scowling as he threw the covers off of him. Quickly getting dressed and ignoring George's attempts to help him, Arthur prepared himself to scold Merlin and stormed into the physician's chambers, crashing the door open. He found it odd that they were empty, but heard murmured conversation from Merlin's room. He marched through and up the steps.

"--to help with the pain," Gaius was saying to the unresponsive patient in the bed. He was lying on his stomach, back open to the air. The insult died in Arthur's throat as he saw the long, horrid lines etched into the patient's back, wounds from a brutal flogging only criminals were meant to be charged with. Gaius turned to him, and upon realizing it was Arthur, his face hardened and he glared at him with disdain. "Sire."

"Who--" His voice cut when he realized that those whip marks were carved into _Merlin's_ back, face turned to the side with eyes closed. _Bruised_ eye, no less. Arthur knew that there would be more injuries on the other side of his face, but they had to be lesser as Merlin was resting it against the pillow. The even rise and fall of his chest indicated sleep. "What happened?" he croaked. Gaius' eyes dropped to the expanse of abused skin, looking so tired and so terribly sad.

"Foreign nobility... and nobility in general, are not particularly kind to people they think are lesser than them," Gaius said flatly, but his eyes were softer than they had been before and he returned to tending to Merlin's wounds. When Arthur did not move, did not respond, Gaius sent him a look over his shoulder. "Good night, sire." Arthur knew this was a dismissal if he'd ever heard one, and in a heavy trance, he tore his eyes away from Merlin and quietly made his way out of the physician's chambers. 

\- - - -

Dinner that night with Morgana and his father had been extremely uncomfortable. Morgana seemed to know of the treatment as well and was silently fuming, sending daggers to both Uther and Arthur. Eventually, Arthur asked, desperate to know, "What happened to my servant, Father?"

"Ah, the boy," Uther said. "I ordered him flogged. Is he healing?" The tone was so conversational, anger boiled within Arthur. Anger and shame. 

"He is resting. Healing, I am not entirely sure," Arthur said, struggling to feign noncommittance. "Why did you order him flogged, sire?"

Uther cut through the meat on his plate. "He was insubordinate to our guests. Tried to tell them off for treating their servants too harshly. After they gave him a thorough beating, I ordered him flogged to apologize for his behaviour. It was out of line."

"Out of line," Arthur echoed. Morgana's anger seemed to fade, and a curious expression was directed at Arthur instead. 

"We cannot have servants trying to tell those that are above them what to do. You will one day be king, you must understand." 

Silence had befallen the table after that, and shortly after he finished Arthur escaped the dining hall to his chambers. On the way, he spotted Guinevere and found that she was also curt with him, clearly angry for what Merlin had been through since it was entirely his fault. "Guinevere, please," he said, when she tried to duck away from him. "I just want to know when, and who."

"Your father won't tell you?" she snapped, a quiet fury in her eyes. 

"He said he'd ordered him flogged, because of... insubordination. That he didn't listen to the knights when they were bullying the other servants. But he won't tell me who, or when." 

Guinevere sighed heavily. "The day of the feast, the knights were particularly cruel to all the servants. Beating them down, treating them..." _Like I had, the day I met Merlin,_ Arthur thought bitterly. "It was wrong, and Merlin called them out for it, and they proceeded to try and... teach him a lesson. It didn't bode well; they got a couple hits to the face but then your father saw from the balcony and ordered him flogged in the town square. It was... it was horrific, Arthur." 

Arthur could certainly imagine it, the terrible noises Merlin must have made when the whip made contact with his skin. Guinevere must have seen the guilt in his eyes. 

"You didn't know," she said with a sigh. Arthur shook his head. "He was brave about it, as he always is. The servants are so grateful for him, especially the younger ones. It benefitted them, it wasn't for naught." 

Arthur made a sound in the back of his throat. "Of course. Thank you, Guinevere. Will you check on him, please? I'll be around but I just, I want someone else other than Gaius. Please." Guinevere gave him a determined nod, then bowed slightly, and disappeared down the hall with the basket of Morgana's laundry. 

\- - - -

George took to tending to Arthur in the next following days. The insistent ache of guilt and shame and regret didn't fade, but only grew as the days passed. The pain must have been strong, then, for Merlin to be trapped in his chambers for so long. He never could sit still, and Arthur knew how this would be frustrating. It pained him to admit it, but Arthur was a coward and hadn't been able to face Merlin, not after what had happened to him. In the week that had passed since the solstice, he thought often of how his first encounter had gone similarly, less brutal, but how he had been the bully Merlin had told off. And here he was doing it again. He had been right all along, hadn't he? To stand up to Arthur, and despite it Arthur had treated him so terribly. Guilt was a word that didn't carry the depth of his shame. 

He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep. Time must've melted and he'd been pulled into it.

 _Rise and shine! Let's have you, lazy daisy._ The voice slipped into his dreams. _Oh, how I've missed that voice_ , he thought faintly to himself. How I wish that voice was real. Only when he began to open his eyes did he realize that it was. Once everything came into focus, Arthur was able to register the face of his manservant hovering above him. His features were considerably less swollen, eye less puffy though the bruise still remained, dark purple in the morning light. Arthur stared up at him with his mouth agape, entirely shocked and at a loss for words. "Come on, get up," Merlin urged, his voice light and only slightly strained. Arthur continued to stare at him. "What is it? Have I got something on my face?"

"It's more like what _happened_ to your face that's wrong," Arthur said without thinking. Merlin winced, turning away, and Arthur mentally cursed himself. This was entirely his fault. "I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I just... you were supposed to return here when you'd had enough rest."

"I've had plenty," Merlin assured him. "Besides, I would have gone mad had I not left." Arthur snorted at that, knowing full well of Merlin's inability to remain unoccupied. Then, he grew somber once again. 

"You look tired," he said softly. Merlin shrugged aimlessly. "You can rest here," Arthur offered, almost desperately. It was odd, this dynamic between them. Things seemed to be tense, and rightfully so, on Merlin's part. He had been punished for doing the right thing. 

"I'm okay, Arthur, really," Merlin said, and in spite of himself, he winced when he tied the curtains back. 

Arthur noticed this immediately. "Does it hurt?" he asked. Merlin gave him a look over his shoulder, face flushed with embarrassment. 

"Yeah," he admitted at last, knowing it would serve him no benefit to lie. Arthur would coax it out of him eventually. "Gaius had to do some stitching, so that some of the marks will properly heal." Merlin averted his gaze once again, gripping onto the curtain for support. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight off the wave of dizzying pain that shot from his head. "Sometimes the draughts don't help with the headaches. Or the wooziness." 

"Right," Arthur breathed. He quickly dressed himself, much to Merlin's bewilderment, and came to observe his manservant carefully. "Can I see?" he asked hesitantly. When Merlin pursed his lips, Arthur raised his eyebrows and Merlin heaved a sigh. 

Ever so carefully lifting the tunic, he traces the lines that have healed to pink on Merlin's back, some of them held together by careful stitches only Gaius' steady, experienced fingers could be capable of. He counted five lashes, one for each of the kingdoms he guessed, and a few faint bruises as well. He watched in fascination as the muscles twitched beneath his gaze, noting how surprisingly fit Merlin was, no longer the lanky boy but stronger now, all lean muscles. Shaking his head, he dropped the tunic with his gaze, feeling the heart-wrenching sadness he'd felt for the past week as well as the sharpness of interest. Merlin swallowed, then turned around and cleared his throat. "Well, I'll be off to do the laundry."

"No," Arthur said seriously. "Sit here and have some food. You look like you're going to fall over. Don't get up unless you want to sleep." Arthur gestured to his bed and Merlin raised his eyebrows. 

"You don't mean--"

"Yes, I do mean my bed. You shouldn't have to trek back to your chambers just for a nap, should you?" Again, Merlin swallowed. 

"Arthur, it's unnecessary. Really." 

"Eat," Arthur commanded. "I'll go retrieve your draughts and potions from Gaius." And with that, Arthur nearly sprinted from his chambers. 

\- - - -

He returned in a few hours after having to do some training, but he was now equipped with an armful of potions Gaius reluctantly handed over. It had taken some convincing, but with a calculated look Gaius granted Merlin permission to stay in Arthur's quarters as long as Arthur was comfortable with the arrangement. He entered his chambers and set the potions on the table, where the plate was empty. Arthur smiled softly to himself. Gaius had mentioned how Merlin was having difficulty eating, what with the pain in his jaw. 

Merlin was sleeping on the bed, sprawled on his stomach. He hadn't even removed his tunic, and Arthur frowned at this because surely, the press of the fabric would be painful on the wounds? _You just want to see him shirtless again,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied. _He's beautiful like this, isn't he? So peaceful, so calm._ Arthur admired the view of Merlin's face, the shadow of stubble along his jaw, how his eyelashes were resting along sharp cheekbones carved high. He knelt beside Merlin, trying to rouse him softly. Eventually, Merlin did open his eyes, grunting as he rolled over to sit up properly, swinging his legs to plant his feet on the ground. 

"Sorry to wake you," Arthur apologized. "Gaius wanted you to have those." He pointed to the display of potions on the table and Merlin groaned, rolling his eyes. Arthur smiled at the familiar attitude he'd so often had directed at him. 

"They're disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Cook's pies taste better than those do." 

"Debatable," Arthur said, and delighted when Merlin laughed. Arthur stood to go retrieve the vials, and watched as Merlin drank them with a sour expression after downing each one. He smiled with exasperated affection at Merlin's drama, then went to go retrieve the salve.

"I can do that," Merlin said quickly, reaching for the bowl. Arthur held it out of reach.

"You can't even find your own backside. I'll do it, don't worry."

He helped Merlin remove his tunic entirely, along with his neckerchief that hid a few bruises from being throttled, likely, and began to apply the cool, mint-infused salve. When silence lapsed, Arthur felt the need to ask him the question that had boiled inside him for the past week. "Why did you do it, Merlin?" Merlin shook his head, but Arthur pressed. "I need to know." _I need to know I'm not like them anymore._

"They were just... so cruel. I thought that I could maybe help the servants that were being treated badly. Buy them time and prove to them that everyone matters." Merlin heaved a sigh. "It worked for a bit, but nobles are nobles. They're... unfair." Merlin back up at Arthur briefly, and they both knew that there were many other words he could've said in place of "unfair". He hissed when one of the lashes stung a bit more than the others, and Arthur murmured an apology at him, continuing to work on the inflamed skin that was now shiny and red and raw. "Which is why," Merlin continued, "I'm a bit confused as to why you're doing this?" 

"What?" Arthur asked, confused. He closed the pot, his hands smelling of mint and of Merlin. 

"You're being so kind to me. I don't think you've ever... cared so much, it be honest." 

Arthur blinked. He'd been worrying over this for the entire time that Merlin had been cooped up in his chambers, healing from a flogging and a beating. "Because you deserve it," he managed at last. "I realize that _I've_ been cruel to you. I've treated you so unfairly, and you're right. I shouldn't treat you the way I do. I'm no better than those knights who beat you and were the reason you got flogged."

"Oh, come off it," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. He was trying to make light of the situation again. Merlin nudged him with his shoulder. "You've gotten better, partially. You still treat me horribly sometimes, and you're a prat but you're not that bad." 

Arthur chuckled quietly to himself, nudging Merlin gently. "I do care about you, though, clumsy idiot as you are." Merlin raised his eyebrows. 

"Really?" he said disbelievingly. "I thought we weren't friends."

Arthur felt a twinge of hurt at this, but knew that it was because he'd been the one to dismiss friendship so quickly to that of a relationship between master and servant. "We're friends," Arthur sighed dramatically. "You're my closest friend, and I didn't realize how much it hurt me to see you hurt until... until." 

"Right." Merlin looked at all the empty vials, many for pain as the lashes were still deep into his skin. The pain was so evident on Merlin's face that Arthur felt the need to hold him, and so he did.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into Merlin's ear, like a sacred promise. "I'm sorry, and it won't happen again. I'll watch over you." _Like you somehow watch over me._

Merlin hummed contentedly, sighing. Then he pulled away. "So...." And Arthur just knew he was going to say something annoying, once again saving them from the unbearable weight of futures and pain and sorrow. "You're asking me to stay in your bed now?" he asked, smirking. Arthur flushed furiously at this, causing Merlin's smirk to grow. 

"Insufferable, absolutely insufferable." 

"You love me," Merlin said before he could think better of it. His teasing smile quickly faded at the realization of what he had said, and Arthur was saddened to see it go. 

So, he muttered, "I might." 

And Merlin's smile was like the sunrise over Camelot, bright and beautiful and eyes shining so vividly Arthur couldn't help but lean in to steal a kiss, which Merlin stole back just as eagerly. 

Then, promptly, recoiled when Merlin's mouth still had the lingering taste of the frankly disgusting potions Merlin had just consumed. 


End file.
